...but I'll be back.
Yesterday I learned the unfortunate news that my mother's cancer is back again ... this time though, it looks to be untreatable. Though I am a huge believer of the power of prayer, It is seemingly noticeably that my mother is accepting this may be her time.
I have officially sent in my letter of resignation to the Peace Corps today and hope to be back with them in the very near future. They have been amazingly supportive and I look forward to doing this again.
I want to take this moment to thank all my friends and supporters of my PC mission. I was truly looking forward to the experience ... though I am disappointed I will not be joining my Azerbaijan 7 group, I have tremendous faith in the Universe and Spirit and trust things are happening in Divine order.
This PC assignment got me fired up so who knows where I will be working my Divine good next. I am just trusting and inviting new opportunities to arise, and well up before me. It is all good even when it feels so dark and blue.
In these moments of death, loosing my last parent, the security of coming home to the house I grew up in, and where I have everything stored, I am reminded of the importance of letting go and letting be. While I am deeply sad, raw with emotion, I also know this is where I need to be right now and I will learn and grow through this and come out a stronger and more enlightened person at the end of this journey.
I want to send out a special thank you to Julia R. for the amazing friendship and support you have offered me. I will continue to follow your journey AND we will meet one day my friend ... it just may have to be back in the states. Please continue your great work over there and know I am here for you ... I really would like that. And in some ways I feel you carry a piece of me--my torch over there too ... would you do that for me?
Thank you all... I'll be back!
Blessings,
Shaz
Peace Corps Letter of Resignation:
Dear Frank,
Yesterday I received the very unfortunate news that the ailment my mom has had (thought to be the flu or something minor) was in fact aggressive spreading cancer. Unfortunately it has spread throughout her brain, liver, bones and body. This is obviously devastating news to the family especially having lost our father in '05, but it also severely alters my future.
The sudden downward turn in my mother's illness came to our attention on the 4th of July when she complained of a sharp stomach pain. My mom is not one to complain but when she started to complain of a headache too and seemed to be getting weaker, she went in to the doctor to be examined. Last week my brother and sister in law took her in for an examination. I had thought, or perhaps hoped it was just an infection or something easily remedied. But to be honest, I think my brother and mom were thinking it was something much more but didn't want to alarm me because they knew how excited I was for this PC assignment and didn't want to alarm me until the test results were back this week. But now we understand it is much more. As of yesterday, the tests show that the cancer has spread throughout her body. It is probable she only has a few months left.
Obviously I am hugely disappointed in this sudden and very sad news but also because I was very much looking forward to my Peace Corps post and had even begun Azeri language lessons (which I was intending to offer to the PC as a tutorial since the male voice on the downloadable version was quite poor) and was part of an active AZ7 PC group on Face Book where I have been in touch with others on my AZ7 team and a few AZ6ers also. I had garnered support from colleagues to assist me in my needs leading up to my departure, had established connections in Azerbaijan and was ready to go.
But given the news, I must regrettably withdraw my post as of today. If my mother's death was not imminent and just needed treatment, I would still consider going (with permission from the PC). But even then I'd have much to reconsider because it is my mother who was going to be taking care of my mail and financial needs and it is her house where ALL of my belonging are stored. There is far too much to overcome at this juncture not to mention I will need to be my mom's primary caregiver until my brothers and I figure things out.
I am very very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused PC. I am still committed to making a difference in the world through the Peace Corps and would like to talk with someone in the near future to go over my options and PC procedures in the not too distant future. Though this is very difficult and sad for my brothers and me, I feel blessed to have the ability be very accepting of death as part of life and know I will be ready to serve again in the not too distant future. Some of my best work (my India tsunami relief program) was on the heel of my fathers unexpected death in '05. It is times like this when I have tremendous focus and clarity so I would like to plant that seed of sincere interest to continue discussion with the Peace Corps.
Though I suddenly have a lot on my plate now, I would like to talk with the appropriate PC personnel about my present situation and also future assignments, and the steps I need to take to withdraw officially and what I need to do to reinstate when the time is right. That would give me solace to know this. If I can just have about 10 days or so to digest all this sudden news I'd be grateful for the break. However if there is something I need to do immediately to help the PC fill my vacant spot, I am prepared to do that as well. I am sorry I cannot call right now. My emotions are a bit raw but I felt a huge responsibility to let the PC know as soon as I knew it would be impossible to go now given this news.
I am very sorry and it is my hope we can together find a time to discuss logistics. Please do not hesitate to let me know what you need from me.
Thank you so much Frank for your advice and making sure all my needs were being met. I have enjoyed talking and corresponding with you. In fact, I had JUST drafted an email I was about to send to Dr. Malikov Tuesday, when I learned of this news. I intended to send it to him and CC you and Lisa Backstrom. I am CCing Lisa here too because she was so very instrumental in helping me through areas of concern, which led me to make a confident and eager decision to accept this assignment. I am so very grateful for all the support the PC has given me then, now and the future. We will come together again I am sure.
Your thoughts and prayers are welcome.
All my Best,
Shaz
