...and I am sad to not be with them ...
I am following many of them through their blogs and FaceBook.
My mother's passing September 1, has proven challenging and this is where I need to be for now until I take care of the estate etc but I certainly am feeling the excitement of my team ... maybe AZ8? Who knows...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A regretable good-bye ... for now
...but I'll be back.
Yesterday I learned the unfortunate news that my mother's cancer is back again ... this time though, it looks to be untreatable. Though I am a huge believer of the power of prayer, It is seemingly noticeably that my mother is accepting this may be her time.
I have officially sent in my letter of resignation to the Peace Corps today and hope to be back with them in the very near future. They have been amazingly supportive and I look forward to doing this again.
I want to take this moment to thank all my friends and supporters of my PC mission. I was truly looking forward to the experience ... though I am disappointed I will not be joining my Azerbaijan 7 group, I have tremendous faith in the Universe and Spirit and trust things are happening in Divine order.
This PC assignment got me fired up so who knows where I will be working my Divine good next. I am just trusting and inviting new opportunities to arise, and well up before me. It is all good even when it feels so dark and blue.
In these moments of death, loosing my last parent, the security of coming home to the house I grew up in, and where I have everything stored, I am reminded of the importance of letting go and letting be. While I am deeply sad, raw with emotion, I also know this is where I need to be right now and I will learn and grow through this and come out a stronger and more enlightened person at the end of this journey.
I want to send out a special thank you to Julia R. for the amazing friendship and support you have offered me. I will continue to follow your journey AND we will meet one day my friend ... it just may have to be back in the states. Please continue your great work over there and know I am here for you ... I really would like that. And in some ways I feel you carry a piece of me--my torch over there too ... would you do that for me?
Thank you all... I'll be back!
Blessings,
Shaz
Peace Corps Letter of Resignation:
Dear Frank,
Yesterday I received the very unfortunate news that the ailment my mom has had (thought to be the flu or something minor) was in fact aggressive spreading cancer. Unfortunately it has spread throughout her brain, liver, bones and body. This is obviously devastating news to the family especially having lost our father in '05, but it also severely alters my future.
The sudden downward turn in my mother's illness came to our attention on the 4th of July when she complained of a sharp stomach pain. My mom is not one to complain but when she started to complain of a headache too and seemed to be getting weaker, she went in to the doctor to be examined. Last week my brother and sister in law took her in for an examination. I had thought, or perhaps hoped it was just an infection or something easily remedied. But to be honest, I think my brother and mom were thinking it was something much more but didn't want to alarm me because they knew how excited I was for this PC assignment and didn't want to alarm me until the test results were back this week. But now we understand it is much more. As of yesterday, the tests show that the cancer has spread throughout her body. It is probable she only has a few months left.
Obviously I am hugely disappointed in this sudden and very sad news but also because I was very much looking forward to my Peace Corps post and had even begun Azeri language lessons (which I was intending to offer to the PC as a tutorial since the male voice on the downloadable version was quite poor) and was part of an active AZ7 PC group on Face Book where I have been in touch with others on my AZ7 team and a few AZ6ers also. I had garnered support from colleagues to assist me in my needs leading up to my departure, had established connections in Azerbaijan and was ready to go.
But given the news, I must regrettably withdraw my post as of today. If my mother's death was not imminent and just needed treatment, I would still consider going (with permission from the PC). But even then I'd have much to reconsider because it is my mother who was going to be taking care of my mail and financial needs and it is her house where ALL of my belonging are stored. There is far too much to overcome at this juncture not to mention I will need to be my mom's primary caregiver until my brothers and I figure things out.
I am very very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused PC. I am still committed to making a difference in the world through the Peace Corps and would like to talk with someone in the near future to go over my options and PC procedures in the not too distant future. Though this is very difficult and sad for my brothers and me, I feel blessed to have the ability be very accepting of death as part of life and know I will be ready to serve again in the not too distant future. Some of my best work (my India tsunami relief program) was on the heel of my fathers unexpected death in '05. It is times like this when I have tremendous focus and clarity so I would like to plant that seed of sincere interest to continue discussion with the Peace Corps.
Though I suddenly have a lot on my plate now, I would like to talk with the appropriate PC personnel about my present situation and also future assignments, and the steps I need to take to withdraw officially and what I need to do to reinstate when the time is right. That would give me solace to know this. If I can just have about 10 days or so to digest all this sudden news I'd be grateful for the break. However if there is something I need to do immediately to help the PC fill my vacant spot, I am prepared to do that as well. I am sorry I cannot call right now. My emotions are a bit raw but I felt a huge responsibility to let the PC know as soon as I knew it would be impossible to go now given this news.
I am very sorry and it is my hope we can together find a time to discuss logistics. Please do not hesitate to let me know what you need from me.
Thank you so much Frank for your advice and making sure all my needs were being met. I have enjoyed talking and corresponding with you. In fact, I had JUST drafted an email I was about to send to Dr. Malikov Tuesday, when I learned of this news. I intended to send it to him and CC you and Lisa Backstrom. I am CCing Lisa here too because she was so very instrumental in helping me through areas of concern, which led me to make a confident and eager decision to accept this assignment. I am so very grateful for all the support the PC has given me then, now and the future. We will come together again I am sure.
Your thoughts and prayers are welcome.
All my Best,
Shaz
Yesterday I learned the unfortunate news that my mother's cancer is back again ... this time though, it looks to be untreatable. Though I am a huge believer of the power of prayer, It is seemingly noticeably that my mother is accepting this may be her time.
I have officially sent in my letter of resignation to the Peace Corps today and hope to be back with them in the very near future. They have been amazingly supportive and I look forward to doing this again.
I want to take this moment to thank all my friends and supporters of my PC mission. I was truly looking forward to the experience ... though I am disappointed I will not be joining my Azerbaijan 7 group, I have tremendous faith in the Universe and Spirit and trust things are happening in Divine order.
This PC assignment got me fired up so who knows where I will be working my Divine good next. I am just trusting and inviting new opportunities to arise, and well up before me. It is all good even when it feels so dark and blue.
In these moments of death, loosing my last parent, the security of coming home to the house I grew up in, and where I have everything stored, I am reminded of the importance of letting go and letting be. While I am deeply sad, raw with emotion, I also know this is where I need to be right now and I will learn and grow through this and come out a stronger and more enlightened person at the end of this journey.
I want to send out a special thank you to Julia R. for the amazing friendship and support you have offered me. I will continue to follow your journey AND we will meet one day my friend ... it just may have to be back in the states. Please continue your great work over there and know I am here for you ... I really would like that. And in some ways I feel you carry a piece of me--my torch over there too ... would you do that for me?
Thank you all... I'll be back!
Blessings,
Shaz
Peace Corps Letter of Resignation:
Dear Frank,
Yesterday I received the very unfortunate news that the ailment my mom has had (thought to be the flu or something minor) was in fact aggressive spreading cancer. Unfortunately it has spread throughout her brain, liver, bones and body. This is obviously devastating news to the family especially having lost our father in '05, but it also severely alters my future.
The sudden downward turn in my mother's illness came to our attention on the 4th of July when she complained of a sharp stomach pain. My mom is not one to complain but when she started to complain of a headache too and seemed to be getting weaker, she went in to the doctor to be examined. Last week my brother and sister in law took her in for an examination. I had thought, or perhaps hoped it was just an infection or something easily remedied. But to be honest, I think my brother and mom were thinking it was something much more but didn't want to alarm me because they knew how excited I was for this PC assignment and didn't want to alarm me until the test results were back this week. But now we understand it is much more. As of yesterday, the tests show that the cancer has spread throughout her body. It is probable she only has a few months left.
Obviously I am hugely disappointed in this sudden and very sad news but also because I was very much looking forward to my Peace Corps post and had even begun Azeri language lessons (which I was intending to offer to the PC as a tutorial since the male voice on the downloadable version was quite poor) and was part of an active AZ7 PC group on Face Book where I have been in touch with others on my AZ7 team and a few AZ6ers also. I had garnered support from colleagues to assist me in my needs leading up to my departure, had established connections in Azerbaijan and was ready to go.
But given the news, I must regrettably withdraw my post as of today. If my mother's death was not imminent and just needed treatment, I would still consider going (with permission from the PC). But even then I'd have much to reconsider because it is my mother who was going to be taking care of my mail and financial needs and it is her house where ALL of my belonging are stored. There is far too much to overcome at this juncture not to mention I will need to be my mom's primary caregiver until my brothers and I figure things out.
I am very very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused PC. I am still committed to making a difference in the world through the Peace Corps and would like to talk with someone in the near future to go over my options and PC procedures in the not too distant future. Though this is very difficult and sad for my brothers and me, I feel blessed to have the ability be very accepting of death as part of life and know I will be ready to serve again in the not too distant future. Some of my best work (my India tsunami relief program) was on the heel of my fathers unexpected death in '05. It is times like this when I have tremendous focus and clarity so I would like to plant that seed of sincere interest to continue discussion with the Peace Corps.
Though I suddenly have a lot on my plate now, I would like to talk with the appropriate PC personnel about my present situation and also future assignments, and the steps I need to take to withdraw officially and what I need to do to reinstate when the time is right. That would give me solace to know this. If I can just have about 10 days or so to digest all this sudden news I'd be grateful for the break. However if there is something I need to do immediately to help the PC fill my vacant spot, I am prepared to do that as well. I am sorry I cannot call right now. My emotions are a bit raw but I felt a huge responsibility to let the PC know as soon as I knew it would be impossible to go now given this news.
I am very sorry and it is my hope we can together find a time to discuss logistics. Please do not hesitate to let me know what you need from me.
Thank you so much Frank for your advice and making sure all my needs were being met. I have enjoyed talking and corresponding with you. In fact, I had JUST drafted an email I was about to send to Dr. Malikov Tuesday, when I learned of this news. I intended to send it to him and CC you and Lisa Backstrom. I am CCing Lisa here too because she was so very instrumental in helping me through areas of concern, which led me to make a confident and eager decision to accept this assignment. I am so very grateful for all the support the PC has given me then, now and the future. We will come together again I am sure.
Your thoughts and prayers are welcome.
All my Best,
Shaz
Friday, May 8, 2009
Call out from M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i
Hey ya all... got my southern accent back
Have Internet but days are full and making new friends takes all that extra time. As ya all know I do pretty well meeting folks so it's been fun but little time to get back to email and such so doing a quick post and then gotta get back to work.
I am so pleased to be involved in stuff where I find others equally passionate about giving as I do...it has further affirmed the Peace Corps choice as a great one. So many people are asking me about the process as it interests them as well. We are having tons of fun and the stories down here are incredible...and I have one about myself that almost ended quite tragically.
I'll share here but won't on the blogsite I will create for this trip (Go to www.cslforhabitat.blogspot.com for more) cuz don't wanna scare other interested in doing this trip...just a freak accident.
I had a HUGE scare that left me shaking and stopped the entire build the other day when scaffolding started to collapse as I was climbing down its ladder...thankfully the porch just a few feet in the direction it collapsed broke the full fall saved myself and another guy next to where it fell. I ended up pinned under it and the two men that were on top luckily fell into the house the opposite side where I was pinned. It was fortunate because it broke both their fall and also had them land on the left end tipping the scaffolding off me enough to avoid me being completely smashed. Other than a few bruises I am totally fine but it was surreal. As I was climbing down I started to feel the scaffolding shift and then saw it was going to collapse on top of me. I swear to GOD I felt this energy run through my body that just told me to hold on and stay at the right corner. Instinctively you want to get down and out of the way because the fall was longer at top but as it turned out only half my body was pinned. Had I been at the bottom I would have been severely injured as the entire ladder at the bottom ended up mangled and fully covered by its parts from the upper pieces from top. It all left me shaking for about an hour but I got back up on scaffolding again later to get over the fright and moved on...So that is my scary story and now.
I gotta get back to the job because I have been appointed painting forewoman for my "great leadership skills" as this really cute Mississippian dude running the show has said in his little southern accent... we're buddies now and all the Americorps gals swoon over him...funny! They are all great and I am glad to be here to share about it.
Gotta run!
Peace
Shaz
Thursday, April 2, 2009
A call to serve...through compassion, with heart
So I was talking to a friend the other day who asked if I have always been a person who felt called to serve...I started a rather lengthy post and then thought, I'll just post this audio story I created a few years ago at the request of Mercy Corps as part of a portfolio I submitted to them. The longer version of this story was later broadcast on radio ...I think this will offer some insight. You decide :)
This is a story of a homeless man I observed as a kid while visiting Washington DC in monument park.
This is a story of a homeless man I observed as a kid while visiting Washington DC in monument park.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Azer-bloggy-blot
I am not kidding...My Mom, who is not exactly a word-smith asked me the other day? Where are you going for the Peace Corps? Azerbloggy (pause)...blot? Close mom...in syllables. Let's clap that out again!
It's true, I have accepted a Peace Corps assignment in Azerbaijan to start in late September. It's a bit of a surprise since I was told in the early stages that my colon-less body may be an issue. But my statement was strong, my doctor exam and letter of reference excellent, and my work in India was appreciated. And I suppose the advanced degrees helped along with my old age (whopping 40) which perhaps, indicates wisdom and maturity?! Just guessin' there.
I will be leaving on September 27th which happens to be my Father's birthday may he rest in peace. BTW, PC is really a stickler...I should state NOW that everything you read here is my own opinion and not that of the US government (Go Obama!--felt the need to give a shout out!) or the Peace Corps.
Back to Azerbloggyblot...I really shouldn't tease my Mom around her pronunciation guess. We all know I am not a linguist myself. In fact I have been trying to find a community college that might offer Azerbaijani (that's the language) to get a head start on it all but guess what? There is NONE! Upon further research I did find one in DC (I think). Like that's gonna help. Then I found some information that suggests Turkish is very similar? Similar how much though? Right?! I mean what if I bought the Rosetta Stone Turkish language for $200 plus, then get over there all confident speaking my Turkish-Azeri greetings only to be met by clenched teeth and blank wide-eyed stares by the Azeri people who are wondering how the Hell I screwed up their language AND the Turkish language all in one entangled linguistic swoop?! Puts a whole new meaning on killing two birds with one stone huh?! Thus... Maybe Turk-Azeri won't be all too popular comin' from an American trying WAY too hard...we'll see what retribution follows if I choose to tango with Turk-Azeri.
Apparently I am having a bit of anxiety around it because I had a dream last night where I came across these Turkish migrant workers who were up inside a tree, de-limbing it with their archaic hand-saws and bare hands. Some how I knew they were from that region of the world and so I hurriedly stopped my car jumped out and asked "Excuse me, How similar is the Turkish language to Azerbaijani language?"
The two men climbed down the tree--amazingly monkey-like (must be memories from my time in India watching the men monkey-swing inside a Ferris wheel--I don't know?!?!)
The man reached out his pitch-layered hand to greet me and said, "Yes, it is." With his fingers outlining the letters mid-air he assures me, "In Turkish we say "Da" and in Azerbajani they say "Dah." Before I could say "OK, I totally don't get it!" my car--which I apparently didn't put in park in my haste to learn the difference between da and dah, is rolling down a hill barely missing parked cars then shoots into the roof of a building, injuring a bystander standing below its falling debris. This diverts the attention to the hospital where we (the Turkish dudes and me) go to check on the injured. At first thought, I'm naturally concerned about the girl but know she is OK since she walked into the entrance of the hospital on her own which I realize then is the roof where my car is lodged. Now I realize and am kinda bothered slightly that I am actually NOT naturally concerned about the injured girl and this standing in line business at the attendants window with the Turkish dudes is just a boring formality cuz what suddenly I wonder is how damaged my car is ...maybe just a few scrapes I hope...after all I can hear it IS still running. But my zeal is really on what the Hell does Da or Dah mean? Are they two totally different words in the respective languages? Da in Turkish means swim and Dah in Azerbaijani means sink? I DON'T KNOW! So how is Da and Dah that different? Because Helllllllo! I didn't hear the difference. Maybe DaHHHHHHHH is carried out with a kind of wheezing sound at the H?...you know, like witnessing someone having a heart-attack...after all I AM in a hospital!
At this point I wake up and say "what the..!?! Now in my doctorate program this would have been a fun dream to analyze? In fact I think I will post it to my doctorate group and see what my peers say. After all they're a bright bunch! Perhaps they can enlighten me on the etymology of Da and Dah while they are at it for cryin' out loud!
So that's the story on how my Blog title came to be...thanks Mom!
I won't post too much now because I am still here in the good 'ol USA with ya all but stay tuned and follow my anxiety...OK gotta go gardening now...it's almost Spring which means it is also almost my birthday (22nd for those who wish to swoon me with well wishes and gifts ;) Be well all!
Peace and Love!
Shaz
It's true, I have accepted a Peace Corps assignment in Azerbaijan to start in late September. It's a bit of a surprise since I was told in the early stages that my colon-less body may be an issue. But my statement was strong, my doctor exam and letter of reference excellent, and my work in India was appreciated. And I suppose the advanced degrees helped along with my old age (whopping 40) which perhaps, indicates wisdom and maturity?! Just guessin' there.
I will be leaving on September 27th which happens to be my Father's birthday may he rest in peace. BTW, PC is really a stickler...I should state NOW that everything you read here is my own opinion and not that of the US government (Go Obama!--felt the need to give a shout out!) or the Peace Corps.
Back to Azerbloggyblot...I really shouldn't tease my Mom around her pronunciation guess. We all know I am not a linguist myself. In fact I have been trying to find a community college that might offer Azerbaijani (that's the language) to get a head start on it all but guess what? There is NONE! Upon further research I did find one in DC (I think). Like that's gonna help. Then I found some information that suggests Turkish is very similar? Similar how much though? Right?! I mean what if I bought the Rosetta Stone Turkish language for $200 plus, then get over there all confident speaking my Turkish-Azeri greetings only to be met by clenched teeth and blank wide-eyed stares by the Azeri people who are wondering how the Hell I screwed up their language AND the Turkish language all in one entangled linguistic swoop?! Puts a whole new meaning on killing two birds with one stone huh?! Thus... Maybe Turk-Azeri won't be all too popular comin' from an American trying WAY too hard...we'll see what retribution follows if I choose to tango with Turk-Azeri.
Apparently I am having a bit of anxiety around it because I had a dream last night where I came across these Turkish migrant workers who were up inside a tree, de-limbing it with their archaic hand-saws and bare hands. Some how I knew they were from that region of the world and so I hurriedly stopped my car jumped out and asked "Excuse me, How similar is the Turkish language to Azerbaijani language?"
The two men climbed down the tree--amazingly monkey-like (must be memories from my time in India watching the men monkey-swing inside a Ferris wheel--I don't know?!?!)
The man reached out his pitch-layered hand to greet me and said, "Yes, it is." With his fingers outlining the letters mid-air he assures me, "In Turkish we say "Da" and in Azerbajani they say "Dah." Before I could say "OK, I totally don't get it!" my car--which I apparently didn't put in park in my haste to learn the difference between da and dah, is rolling down a hill barely missing parked cars then shoots into the roof of a building, injuring a bystander standing below its falling debris. This diverts the attention to the hospital where we (the Turkish dudes and me) go to check on the injured. At first thought, I'm naturally concerned about the girl but know she is OK since she walked into the entrance of the hospital on her own which I realize then is the roof where my car is lodged. Now I realize and am kinda bothered slightly that I am actually NOT naturally concerned about the injured girl and this standing in line business at the attendants window with the Turkish dudes is just a boring formality cuz what suddenly I wonder is how damaged my car is ...maybe just a few scrapes I hope...after all I can hear it IS still running. But my zeal is really on what the Hell does Da or Dah mean? Are they two totally different words in the respective languages? Da in Turkish means swim and Dah in Azerbaijani means sink? I DON'T KNOW! So how is Da and Dah that different? Because Helllllllo! I didn't hear the difference. Maybe DaHHHHHHHH is carried out with a kind of wheezing sound at the H?...you know, like witnessing someone having a heart-attack...after all I AM in a hospital!
At this point I wake up and say "what the..!?! Now in my doctorate program this would have been a fun dream to analyze? In fact I think I will post it to my doctorate group and see what my peers say. After all they're a bright bunch! Perhaps they can enlighten me on the etymology of Da and Dah while they are at it for cryin' out loud!
So that's the story on how my Blog title came to be...thanks Mom!
I won't post too much now because I am still here in the good 'ol USA with ya all but stay tuned and follow my anxiety...OK gotta go gardening now...it's almost Spring which means it is also almost my birthday (22nd for those who wish to swoon me with well wishes and gifts ;) Be well all!
Peace and Love!
Shaz
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